A Smoothie with Balls

A Smoothie with Balls . . . 

I love bacon. My guy and I love bacon. Sadly, we could be that obnoxious dog snack commercial:

BACON, BACON, BAAAACON.

A bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich is my favorite sandwich.

We like eggs, too. Scrambled with onions and mushrooms, topped with cheese. And a side of three or four strips of bacon. Real bacon: thick sliced, meaty, peppered, and applewood smoked.

I realize we need our fruits and veggies, too. Still, we both gained 10 pounds.

Enter the smoothie for breakfast every day. Except Sunday.

It started when he went for a physical. My guy got a less than great report. His CBC numbers were not so good. The doc said, “You gotta do better.” — only in doctor-speak. Then, a week or so later, a friend had a heart attack. He was in his early 50s. That, coupled with the doctor’s report, made us take notice.

Next, we were with one of our daughters discussing this. She loaned us a couple of books this health fanatic wrote. He’s all about eating nuts and seeds and doing these yoga-like exercise. His big thing is this smoothie. With the right smoothie you’ll grow hair on a bald head, add 2 inches to your height and cure all sorts of diseases. He looks late-40s, has long hair tied back in a pony-tail and wears black Nehru collar jackets and baggy pants. He leads his group in these stretchy, crane-like moves. All very ‘Ah, so, little grasshopper’-looking. (He’s probably from Missouri.)

But, we bit. Bought the blender, his books and started buying organic foods at Whole Foods and EarthFare.

To be fair, I’d always bought organic on a good many things and we ate very little processed food. I liked to cook and was mindful of nutrition. But, this was taking it to a whole new level.

These smoothies are not low cal and we’ve not lost any weight. They are nutritious. Each one has a gazillion ingredients. Practically, the whole food pyramid— if you skip meat, dairy, and grains.

We’ve spent a boatload of money. The blender cost $500. And that was from Amazon. Same one was $650 from the blender’s website.

Whole Foods is fantastic. They have an escalator for you and your grocery cart. Like a slanted moving sidewalk. And the most tantalizing displays and all kinds of food. You can buy frozen, organic ravioli for $7.50 a pound. That’s pasta: flour, water, an egg and a little cheese. For the price of a small steak. Who knew?

The reason you need this particular blender, that costs a month’s rent, is for the avocado pits and other seeds and peelings you’ll be blending. My old blender just couldn’t cut it. Its crisp white color had softened to a mellow yellow and for 28 years it came to life every time I wanted homemade relish, but it couldn’t take on an avocado pit.

What’s in this smoothie that promises to cure all ails?

Here’s the list of ingredients we settled on:

8 oz pomegranate/blueberry juice
8 oz orange juice
¼ whole lime (seeds & unpeeled)
¼ whole apple (seeds & unpeeled)
¼ piece of beet (cut off the rooty tip and leaves, don’t peel)
1” cucumber (seeds & unpeeled)
1” ginger root (peeled)
1 clove garlic (peeled)
1 avocado (pulp & pit, toss away the peel)
½ packet of Acai berry smoothie pulp
3 large frozen strawberries
A small handful of frozen blueberries
A small handful of frozen whole kernel corn
A small handful of frozen sliced okra
1 Tbl Maca powder
A small handful of Goji berries

Put into blender in the above order, blend until smooth.

You can’t taste the seeds or pit, corn, okra or Maca powder. Actually, you don’t really taste any one thing. It’s tangy and fruity, but not overly sweet. And very thick. Yogurt thick.

At first, I bought everything at Whole Foods. Now, I buy some things from Amazon because they’re cheaper.

Every morning for two months, my guy drank his smoothie. First thing he noticed? Umm, number 2. They were great! Any mother would have been proud. And a bit more fluffing. Fluffing? Flatulence. Not horrific, odoriferous fluffs, just more of them. Baby fluffs.

Don’t think that drinking this smoothie will be a magic pill. This was’t the only thing he changed. He changed his diet, eating more salmon, broccoli and kale. He cut back on the alcohol. Not to zero, but more red wine, less hard stuff. And HE QUIT SMOKING! — not totally all in one day, but by the end of the two months he was down to nothing.

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH CAME . . .  After two months on the smoothies, diet changes, and a day or two of no smoking at all, he had a follow-up appointment at the doc’s. His numbers were all very much better. BP had been high— 180/110 or something, it was now 130/80. Cholesterol, etc, etc . . . were all better. The doc was much happier. The guy was much happier. I was happier.

Bacon? Once a week, with scrambled eggs. One can’t live on balls alone.