. . . and thoughts on Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is upon us. Such an emotionally driven day. Both of them– Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Our parents play such huge roles in our lives. And here are two days set aside to celebrate their sacrifice and love for us.
My sister and I know we’re lucky. Betty and Tom are great parents.
Sure, they probably made mistakes, but nothing big. I’ll tell you a secret, though. They love her more than me. They always have. She’d tell you that I was wrong . . . they love me more. They always have. I was the oldest and got to do stuff. But, she got a TV in her bedroom after I left home. I never got that.
But, we all knew . . . either one of them would give us their last kidney, if necessary. They had that kind of love.
This year, they’re 84 and 88 and married 62 years.
Unfortunately, some people have shitty parents. Then, every year, here are two days set aside to celebrate this asshole (or holes) in our life. That’s what they’ve really created . . . a hole in our life. A void of grief.
My guy has two daughters and I have a daughter and son. We both know, despite whatever events came our way, we did our very best for our kids. His are in their 40s, living successful lives, and super people. Mine are in their 20s, still in school and finding their place, and super people. They’ve all four found soul mates to share their lives. And they’re super, too. We love them all.
I’ll tell you another secret. Do you know what my guy and I do when Mother’s Day or Father’s Day comes around? We wait by the phone. No one lives nearby, so we’re waiting for that phone call from the kids. The one that says I love you.
And they come.
But, if you’re someone with crappy parents, let me tell you what I’ve also learned. That hole can be filled. Other people can come in your life and parent you. They can fill that hole with a little healing– if you let them.
And the neat part is, they don’t have to even be parents or old or know particularly what they’re doing. Parents don’t generally get a lesson plan anyway. But, they’re someone you know you can talk to, who’ll be there for you, and will help guide you through life. Because at the end of the day, the biological part is just the beginning. The really hard part comes in the years ahead.
I’ve mentioned that my guy and I have a blended family. When the ex left, I hadn’t had a W-2 issued in 20 years. I had been the car pool-soccer mom. I cooked, sewed, did all the sort of things kids and a household need to have done to run smoothly.
Remember that movie with Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts, Stepmom? That was pretty much my life– without the dying part. Although, that would have been tremendously helpful to the ex. Like Ed Harris, he had zipper trouble. Only I didn’t die. Unlike Ed Harris, he didn’t provide support and pretty much just subbed in his new family.
I told you I didn’t mind telling you about some of this, it’s just I never know how much you really want to know. And it’s such old news for us now. Life is infinitely better today than ever.
Except for the kids part.
They’ve grown up and lead happy, productive adult lives. IN OTHER CITIES . . . so I don’t get to see them like I would like. That sucks. But, I’ve always thought, ‘If I do my job as a parent right, I’ll put myself out of business. They won’t need me. They’ll love me, they’ll want me . . . but not need me.’ Well, they turned out terrific.
I grew up Baptist. Southern Baptist.
Baptists don’t drink. Not in public. Not so anyone would know. They’re funny about that.
I was 48 before I ever had a glass of wine. I’ve said I have no particular angst against religion or free spirits, but alcohol just wasn’t a big deal. During the separation, though, I had a hard time sleeping. I now had a part time job and my boss suggested a glass of wine before bed. It helped. Not great, but at least I slept for an hour.
My guy laughs at me. He says I’m a cheap date. Two drinks and I’m done.
Which brings me to this drink. Aguas Frescas. Spanish for ‘fresh water.’ They’re simple, easy, and lovely. Unless you really screw it up, but I don’t think you will.
They’re flavored water done cute.
Barefoot’s Pineapple Mint Aguas Fresca
1 cup Pineapple- fresh, cubed
12 oz Pellegrino (or plain H2O)
2 Tbl lime juice
3 Tbl honey
4 mint leaves
2 extra mint sprigs for garnish
mint leaves frozen in ice cubes
Blend the pineapple, water, and mint leaves until smooth. Strain through sieve lined with cheese cloth into glasses. Add lime juice and honey to taste. Stir. Place frozen mint ice cubes in a nice glass, pour in aqua fresca, add a spring of mint for garnish.
So celebrate that person who was there for you. Cheers! That’s what it’s all about.
Until next time. Be sweet.
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